Yesterday was my birthday and today feels like as good a day as any to start a blog.
Those who know me know that the black dog has nipped at my heels for most of my young adult life and on occasion has caught up and sunk its teeth right in. These days, I’m having a great deal more moments where I look back and realise that for a while I’d stopped running and didn’t realise Rusty had taken his ball and gone home hours ago.
I think depression, much like a dog who can sense your fear and wants to play, fights back the more you run and try to resist. As I’ve learned to accept it’s presence in my life, the grip with which it held me has loosened and the time it takes to pass has lessened.
Life has been pretty lovely of late as I’ve learned to take the pressure off myself and just enjoy what’s happening around me, and sometimes that means accepting that there’s a big gaping hole where there should be feeling, both positive and negative. You see, the sting of depression is that there is no sting at all. The absence of any kind of emotional marker sometimes makes it difficult to feel genuine in your response to an avalanche of well wishes and love that would otherwise leave you with an overwhelming sense of being overwhelmed. This makes it easy to forget to remember to share your life with those around you as the emotions that would normally propel you into action are a little muted.
So today, I want to share just a handful of things I am grateful for right now and thank everyone who has had an influence in my life.
I am grateful for my family both immediate, extended and by proxy, they shower me with more love than I could ever reciprocate.
I am grateful for all the birthday messages I received from friends, family, acquaintances and those I’m still coming to know. You have made me feel incredibly loved.
I am grateful for all the girls I’ve loved before and those who’ve loved me, most of whom continue to be an inspiring, loving and joyful presence in my life.
I am grateful that my friends are some of the most wonderful, talented, intelligent and kind people I know and that they choose to call me their friend also.
I am grateful for my new housemates who are proving themselves to be incredibly wonderful human beings and excellent cooks.
I am grateful that I get to work alongside and learn a great deal from one of the best wedding photographers in the business.
I am grateful to live in a country not torn apart by war and poverty and wish that every person on this earth could know such luxury.
I am grateful for my new job which keeps me surrounded by incredibly talented and creative people.
But right now, what I’m most grateful for is this delicious cheesecake with an almond crumble base that my new housemate, essentially a stranger to me, spent her day making. For me.